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Benzeknees -Professional Patient 3

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credit:  Online Stock Photos

credit: Online Stock Photos

Last week was a heck of a week for me as a patient. Let me tell you about it . . .

On Tuesday, Sept. 23 I had an appointment at 8 a.m. for a lung function test.  The test was to be done at a new office to me located in a nearby mall.  I had never been in this mall before though so I wasn’t sure where to go.  I drove through the parking lot trying to find a sign to give me an indication of where I needed to be.  I found an entrance next to the Walmart, saying Northgate Professional Centre, so I parked there & inside the building found a map showing where I needed to be.  It turned out the office I needed was on the other side of the mall on the second floor so I boarded the only elevator & went upstairs.  Once there I had to wend my way around a couple of corners before I found myself in the actual mall.  I set off walking slowly due to my breathing problems & bum knee.

It was interesting to watch all the mall walkers getting their exercise as they passed me hobbling along with my cane.  Little did I know, this particular mall took up 3 blocks of property.  I kept walking & walking & walking.  Finally I saw the name of the clinic I needed to attend.  Just before I got to the clinic I took note there was a Dynalife office next door.  I had a full PFT (pulmonary function test) done.  When you have a breathing problem this test is very exhausting.  While I was in the chamber I could hear my cell phone ringing in my purse.

When my test was done I went to the Dynalife office next door.  My pulmonologist had been bugging me to get some blood work done & I had the requisition with me.  When I walked in the door almost every chair in the waiting room was occupied & there were 3 people ahead of me in line.  After an hour of waiting I was called in where they drew 5 vials of blood & then did an ECG to check my heart.  Finally done, I made the long walk back to my car.

By the time I got to the car I was exhausted, but checked my phone to see who had called.  It turned out it was my primary care physician – he wanted to see me & they could squeeze me in right away, so I rushed to his office.  After waiting for half an hour the doctor informed me there were problems with my stool sample (from my annual physical the week before) & I needed to have a colonoscopy.

As soon as I left my doctor’s office I had to rush off to my psychiatrist’s office for my appt. where he kept me waiting for half an hour.  By the time I got in to see him he remarked I did not look happy.  Apparently they had changed my appt. time to half an hour later than I was originally told & according to his records, the girls at the front desk had “left a message.”  I did not get the message.  Medications didn’t need any further adjustment at that time so I went home.  I was thoroughly exhausted & had a long nap.

When I awoke from my nap, my right wrist was so sore I could barely move it.  I couldn’t figure out what I had done until hubby came home from work & suggested it was probably a result of having to use my cane for so much walking that day.  Luckily I have a brace so I put it on for a couple days & then it was fine.

On Thursday I had an appointment for a chest CT scan.  I had been waiting for this appt. for 6 months but I was definitely not looking forward to it.  I am extremely claustrophobic & during other scans I have had panic attacks & had to be pulled out of the machine in the middle of the test.  Hubby had driven me because I was sure I was going to have to be sedated.  Why is it no matter what test I am having done it’s always a long walk away from the handicapped parking?

Even though I was a half hour early for my appointment, I was taken in right away & given a gown to change into.  A very chipper aide came to get me & take me to the room with the machine.  She joked all the way there & made me feel so much more comfortable.  When I entered the room I involuntarily let out a groan.  The aide was at my side right away.  Luckily it was one of the new machines with the wider opening.  She explained exactly what was going to happen & kept reassuring me the test would be over in 2 minutes.  Of course I didn’t believe her.  She got me positioned on the table & slid me into the machine feet first which was a great relief to me.  My eyes were in the machine during the test but the top of my head was not.  I just closed my eyes & held my breath when asked & 3 minutes later the whole test was finished!  I thought they were joking – I had gotten myself all worked up for this?  I won’t know the results until next month when I see my pulmonologist again.

 

Tickle Me Tuesday – 093014

20 Comments

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

One day a man decided to retire…

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise & proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas & coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, “Where did you come from? How did you get here?”

She replies, “I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank.”

“Amazing,” he notes. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.”

“Oh, this thing?” explains the woman. “I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches & the sides & stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.”

“But, where did you get the tools?”

“Oh, that was no problem,” replied the woman.  “On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.  I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron & I used that to make tools & used the tools to make the hardware.”

The guy is stunned.

“Let’s row over to my place,” she says “and I’ll give you a tour.” So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.  Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin & tree house.

While the woman ties up the row boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home. Please sit down.”

“Would you like a drink?”

“No! No thank you,” the man blurts out, still dazed.   “I can’t take another drop of coconut juice.”

“Oh it’s not coconut juice,” winks the woman.  “I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?”

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts & they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable.  Would you like to take a shower & shave? There’s a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs.”

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom.  There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

“This woman is amazing,” he muses. “What’s next?”

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

“Tell me,” she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, “We’ve both been out here for many months.  You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?   She stares into his eyes.

He can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You mean…” he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

H

 

 

 

 

 

“You’ve built a Golf Course?”

Tickle Me Tuesday – 092314

9 Comments

Since the big climate convention is on this week in New York, I thought this might be apropos.

Tour of PipelinePrime Minister Harper took an aerial tour of the proposed pipeline route through Alberta & B.C. earlier this week.

When he returned he said that all went reasonably well.

 Alberta Oilfied TerroristsAlberta Oilfield Terrorist!

 

Good Night Dear Man

15 Comments

benzeknees:

WordPress & the rest of my blogging family have lost a great man. Bill, I will miss you very much.

Originally posted on The Chatter Blog:

Chatter Master and Flaham

Good night dear man.

The air is fresh

Your free

To breathe.

Sing.  Laugh.

Fly.

Go!

With the wind.

On the wind.

Breathe!!!

Dear Beautiful Man!

Breathe Free.

Eternally.

Good Night from here Dear Man.

Forever,  you are free.

Meeting Bill

<3Bill Hamilton

Bill Hamilton of

DealingWithCOPD.Wordpress.com

Passed away peacefully today.

At the request of his beloved wife I am sharing this information.

Please notify any blogging friends that you may know of who knew Bill.

WordPress has lost a very good, and dear, friend.

I will breathe easier, each breath, knowing you breathe free tonight dear man.

View original

Do you think it’s true?

16 Comments

benzeknees:

I love these & couldn’t resist!

Originally posted on AnswerIt:

morning need to get up

not moody

party yeah

sandwich peanut butter

see you later

scale and weight

sorry

swearing

words

strong woman

stupid robber

tweets

View original

Tickle Me Tuesday – 090214

24 Comments

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Scotch with 2 drops of water

Glass of ScotchA lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says, ‘I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.’
The bartender says ‘Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink.  In fact, this one is on me.’
As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says, ‘I would like to buy you a drink, too.’
The old woman says, ‘Thank you.  Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.’
‘Coming up’ says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, ‘I would like to buy you one, too.’
The old woman says, ‘Thank you.  Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.’
‘Coming right up’ the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, ‘Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?’
The old woman replies, ‘Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor… Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
Your sweetie says
‘Let’s go upstairs and make love’
And you answer:
‘Pick one, I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
Your friends compliment you
On your new alligator shoes
And you’re barefoot!

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
A sexy babe or hunk catches your fancy ….
And your pacemaker opens the garage door!

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….
You don’t care where your spouse goes
.. Just as long as you don’t have to go along.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
You are cautioned to slow down
By the doctor instead of by the police

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car
.. In the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up
To use the bathroom.

These were sent to me by my friend Susan R.

Man Up!

2 Comments

benzeknees:

I thought this was a very powerful message that does not only have to apply men/boys. It could easily apply to “instant gratification” society.

Originally posted on MADDfashion :

verse

Being away from my hometown, I went exploring to find a ‘new’ church.
Someone suggested I try Northview Church because it was very similar to the church my mom goes to. After many, many traffic circles and wrong turns I finally made it to the church. The worship band was outstanding and I completely felt like I was standing in heaven with a bunch of singing angels all around me. The lively music led to an amazing message given by a guest pastor, Brian Tome. He started by saying, “Guys, this is a message for you. I’m going to be acting like these girls aren’t even here and we are sitting on my back porch”. Although he wasn’t talking to me, I learned a lot. He explained that he was going to be teaching us the difference between a boy and a man. More than ever, society is trying to…

View original 749 more words

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