Tickle Me Tuesday – 061615

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Well, you probably guessed by now I have no idea what I’m doing. I posted a Father’s Day Tickle Me Tuesday last week because I thought last Sunday was the day. But I was wrong! The only good thing about being wrong – it gives me a theme for this week’s post, ha!

By the by, last week was my 400th post!

Helping your father

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

“You look hot, my son,” said the cleric. “why don’t you rest a moment, and I’ll give you a hand.”

“No thanks,” said the young man.  “My father wouldn’t like it.”

“Don’t be silly,” the minister said.  “Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.”

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.

Losing his patience, the clergyman said, “Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I’ll give him a piece of my mind!”

“Well,” replied the young farmer, “he’s under the load of hay.”

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A student’s request for extra money

A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.

His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?”

“Uhh, oh yeah, O.K.” responded the kid.

So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, Dad asked, “Well how much did you give the boy this time?”

“Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000.”

“That’s $1020!!!” yelled Dad, “Are you going crazy???”

“Don’t worry hon,” Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, “I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!”

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Tickle Me Tuesday – 060915

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

With Father’s Day fast approaching, here is a little humor to brighten your day:

Who is the Winner?
The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked.
“Who never talks back to mother? and
“Who does everything mother says?”
Five small voices replied in unison. “Okay daddy! You get the toy.”

The Joy Ride
Bob was 16 and finally got hold of his driver’s license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy.

When Bob saw his dad he said “Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching me how to drive all these days Right?”

“Nope!”, came the quick reply from the dad. “I’m going to sit back here and kick the back of your seat while you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me for the last sixteen years!”

Magic Penny
After putting their three-year-old child Brian in bed, his parents heard muffled sobs coming from his room one night. Rushing back in, they found that the child was crying hysterically when he saw them. He told his parents that he had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure that he would die now. The father, in an attempt to sober him down, took out a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it out from Brian’s ear. The child was really thrilled and stopped crying at once.

In a flash, he snatched the penny from his dad’s hand, swallowed it, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”

Not All the Shingles Are On My New Roof!

So some of you may already know because I was being so diligent about trying to catch up with my reading & commenting, hubby & I moved back to Winnipeg, MB, Canada last week.  This started with hubby getting laid off from his job 3 weeks before his 65th birthday.  Another Alberta bust due to the huge drop in oil prices in the boom & bust cycle!  His first reaction was to try to find another job with one of his contacts from his old job – my first reaction was I’m tired of this boom & bust cycle, I want to go back to Winnipeg where all our kids & families live.  Guess who won?

Hubby was very understanding about the limitations I face with COPD & arthritis so we hired movers to not only move our furniture but also to come in & do some of the packing.  But of course I insisted on helping some & pottered around with some of the boxes.  But I was trying very hard not to overtire myself because I tend to get sick when I get overtired.  For instance, once we made our decision to move back to Wpg. we made a very quick trip from Edmonton to Wpg. (15 hour drive each way) to look for a place to live.  We spent 3 days in town looking at as many apartments as we could manage, trying to find the one we wanted which of course was the last one we looked at!  The morning we were to drive back to Edmonton, I awoke with a very sore throat.  By the time we got home, I was sniffling, sneezing & coughing as well.   I fought the good fight on my own for 2 full weeks before I had to ask the doctor for help with antibiotics to get rid of the sinus & lung infection.

This time, even though I was really careful not to tire myself out, I awoke yesterday morning with a huge swelling on the left side of my neck including my lymph gland.  Behind my ear is swollen, under my ear is swollen & it continues down to my collar bone & around to my spine.  And it hurts something fierce!  I can barely turn my head to the right or left & Extra Strength Tylenol is not touching the pain.

Now, here’s a problem – I moved to a completely different province only 4 days ago!  I do not have a physician in this province or this city!  I do not have a health card for this province (although in Canada the provinces honor other province’s health cards for up to 3 months).  So I had to go to a walk-in clinic & sit & wait & wait & wait.  I was lucky enough to find a very nice doctor who does not accept private patients, he only accepts walk-in patients.  He was kind together we discovered the rash all over the top left side of my head that I was only just becoming aware of because I was more concerned with the pain in my ear & neck!  But now the rash has appeared it feels like someone is shooting the top of my head with electric shocks a lot!

If you didn’t guess from my title – I have Shingles!  For those of you who don’t know what Shingles is all about, here is some info. for you.  From the Mayo Clinic website:

Shingles is caused by the varicella-zoster virus — the same virus that causes chickenpox. After you’ve had chickenpox, the virus lies inactive in nerve tissue near your spinal cord and brain. Years later, the virus may reactivate as shingles.

The signs and symptoms of shingles usually affect only a small section of one side of your body. These signs and symptoms may include:

• Pain, burning, numbness or tingling
• Sensitivity to touch
• A red rash that begins a few days after the pain
• Fluid-filled blisters that break open and crust over
• Itching

Some people also experience:

• Fever
• Headache
• Sensitivity to light
• Fatigue

Pain is usually the first symptom of shingles. For some, it can be intense.  While it isn’t a life-threatening condition, shingles can be very painful.

This picture is very similar to the rash I am currently sporting on my scalp & the edges of my forehead.

So, here I am, even more laid up than usual while hubby tries to put our new apartment together, mostly by himself.  And since it hurts a lot more to wear my glasses (which I need to write), I’m going to leave it here for now.  More later . . .

Memorial Service Details

To make sure everyone who wants to know . . .

The Matticus Kingdom

Dave’s (Grayson Queen’s) service is going to be this coming Saturday (May 23, 2015) at the Corpus Christi Church in Corona, California at 10 AM PST.

http://www.corpuschristicorona.com/

3760 North McKinley Street
Corona, CA 92879-1956

Please help me spread the word again, so those who might be interested in attending have enough warning to make arrangements.  I’ll be there for sure…

And, an update on Rara’s address:

Radhika Jaini WF0124
CIW LA 249 LOW
16756 Chino-Corona Road
Corona, CA 92880

Keep the RawrLove letters headed her direction. Thank you.

View original post

Sad News

Please send Rara your good throughts.

The Matticus Kingdom

I have terrible news to share with the blogosphere today.

Horrible, no good, awful news.

Many of you knew him as Grayson Queen, author and artist extraordinaire.  Perhaps you’ve read one of his novels.  Perhaps you’ve purchased, or at least enjoyed, some of his paintings or sculptures…  Perhaps you knew that he was also Rara‘s husband, Dave.

I don’t have a lot of details, but I can confirm that Dave passed away earlier this week.

Please share this post wide and far.  Please say a prayer for Dave and Rara.  Please send her every ounce of spare energy you can muster.  She needs us.  Dave’s family and friends need us.

And send her mail to show her your love, your RawrLove:

Radhika Jaini WF0124
CIW LA 249 UP
16756 Chino-Corona Road
Corona, CA  92880

You don’t need to know what to say.  You don’t need to say anything…

View original post 10 more words

Tickle Me Tuesday – 041405

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Subject:  Angels Explained by Kids

 

 

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.
Gregory, age 5
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Everybody’s got it all wrong.  Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it
-Olive, age 9
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It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
-Matthew, age 9
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Angels work for God and watch over kids when God Has to go do something else.
-Mitchell, age 7
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My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
-Henry, age 8
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Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!

-Jack, age 6
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Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up To heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.  

Daniel, age 9  

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When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath & counts to ten  And when he lets out his breath again, somewhere there’s a tornado.

 – Reagan, age 10  

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Angels have a lot to do & they keep very busy.  If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window & leaves money under your pillow.  Then when it gets cold angels go south for the winter.  

– Sara, age 6  

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Angels live in cloud houses made by God & his Son who’s a very good carpenter.  

– Jared, age 8  

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All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses & boys didn’t go for it.  

– Antonio, age 9  

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My angel is my grandma who died last year.  She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.  

– Ashley, age 9  

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Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals & pets.  And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.  – Vicki, age 8  

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What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.  

– Sarah, age 7

 

Tickle Me Tuesday – 021715

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Happy Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday/Carnivale!

What’s the problem with jogging during Mardi Gras? The ice falls out of your drinks!

Mardi Gras is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.

source: http://jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/mardigrasjokes/mardigrasonelinerjokes.html

Mardi Gras is the love of life. It is the harmonic convergence of our food, our music, our creativity, our eccentricity, our neighborhoods, and our joy of living. All at once.”
― Chris Rose

What did the young pancake say to the old burnt pancake?
I don’t like your flip side.

And for all my friends in the Maritimes, Eastern Canada or Northeastern US, hope you’re still able to walk your dog!

 

Tickle Me Tuesday – 012715

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

The Explanation

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much.

People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full.

Researchers say this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline.

The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for.

It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise.

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A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher & a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.

They would get together 2 or 3 times a week for coffee & to talk shop.  One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.  One thing led to another & they decided to do an experiment.  They would all go into the woods, find a bear, preach to it & attempt to convert it to their religion.  Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

Father Flannery, with his arm in a sling, was on crutches & had various bandages on his body & limbs.

“Well,” he said, “I went into the woods to find me a bear.  And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.  Well that bear wanted nothing to do with me & began to slap me around so I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him & Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.  The Bishop is coming out next week to give him First Communion.”

Reverent Billy Bob spoke next.  He was in a wheelchair, had 1 arm & both legs in casts with an IV drip.  In his best fire & brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, “Well, brothers, you know that we Baptists don’t sprinkle!  I went out & found me a bear.  And then I began to read to my bear from God’s Holy Word!  But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.  So I took hold of him & we began to wrestle.  We wrestled down one hill, up & down another until we came to a creek.  So I quickly dunked him & baptized his hairy soul.  Just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb.  We spent the rest of the day praising God & shouting Hallelujah!

The Priest & the Preacher both looked down at the Rabbi who was lying in a hospital bed in a body cast & traction with IV’s & monitors running in & out of him.  He was in really bad shape.

The Rabbi looked up & said, “Looking back on it, . . . circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”

Tickle Me Tuesday – 012015

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Jennifer, a manager at Wal-Mart, had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of 20 resumes she found four people who were equally qualified. Jennifer decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, Jennifer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know of?’

The first man replied, ‘A THOUGHT..’ It just pops into your head. There’s no warning.

‘That’s very good!’ replied Jennifer.
‘And, now you sir?’ she asked the second man.

‘Hmmm….let me see ‘A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘Excellent!’ said Jennifer. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular cliché for speed.’ She then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply.

‘Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant.. ‘Yip, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of’.

Jennifer was very impressed with the third answer and thought she had found her man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light,’ she said.

Turning to BUBBA, the fourth and final man, Jennifer posed the same question.

Old Bubba replied, ‘After hearing the previous three answers, it’s obvious to me that the fastest thing known is DIARRHEA.’

‘WHAT!?’ said Jennifer, stunned by the response…

‘Oh sure’, said BUBBA. ‘You see, the other day I wasn’t feeling so good and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had already shit my pants.’

BUBBA is now the new greeter at a Wal-Mart near you.

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Tickle Me Tuesday – 011315

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.

The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.

The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.

The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.  The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t talk for more than 8 minutes.The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.  But, the third Sunday, he put his wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up…

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 And for those of you suffering from post-holiday weight gain ~