A couple of weeks ago, there was a lot of tagging going on in my neck of the woods of the blogosphere. I tagged Edward Hotspur with the question “What are you most proud of & why?” To which I received a wonderful answer & a tag back. Edward posed 11 questions & tagged a number of bloggers & challenged us to pick one, so I picked the one posed above.
The thing I regret the most is my first wedding – not my first marriage because I did everything in my power to make the marriage work. I regret the wedding because if I had just called it off I could have saved myself almost 5 years of heart ache.
I remember waking up the morning of my wedding, laying in my bed alone & thinking, “If I didn’t have 135 people showing up to see me get married today I don’t think I would go.” And isn’t that just about one of the saddest statements you’ve ever read? I knew it was a mistake to get married & I went ahead with it anyway because I didn’t want to cause a fuss or embarrass myself, my parents & a whole lot of other people. The saddest part is I was not a young teenager when this happened, I was 27 years old! And I still didn’t have enough guts to stand up for myself!
My husband-to-be had a recurrence of chicken pox just before the wedding & so I had to hold him up at the altar. Because he was sick we didn’t dance together the entire evening except for our obligatory first waltz. When we left our reception, we went out for pizza before going back to our hotel where my new husband promptly fell asleep. Little did I know this would be the start of almost 5 years of this man sleep walking through our marriage.
I don’t hate this man (I used to be quite angry at him for a few years, but the anger has long passed as I have accepted my part in the failure of our marriage). He turned out to be a wonderful parent to our daughter. I just wish I hadn’t married him in the first place.
May 02, 2012 @ 03:49:40
Wow…raw emotion. Honesty. I’m sorry. It is strange, how we are taught not to be selfish. Taught to not create waves. Taught just to go with the flow, it will work out in the end.
A good friend and I were talking on another sleepless night about intuition. We both felt that most often it is easy to listen to, but hard to follow. I think you’ve just demonstrated why.
Would you mind if I used this post in my word porn venue? It is just raw. Real…
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May 02, 2012 @ 04:20:10
I might be overanalyzing a bit, But please don’t think I am trying to capitalize on your pain. Your regret. I want to bring out the fact that WordPorn isn’t always happy. Sometimes it is a necessary release. I will Link to your blog…I’m way over-thinking this huh. Sorry Benzeknees. For the post content and the comment content. I’m a freak…
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:03:50
You are more than welcome to use my post for your Word Porn post. Please stop thinking you are over-analyzing. I value your comments & your point of view. You’re my friend, not a freak & I love you.
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May 02, 2012 @ 04:54:21
Wow—what a post!!! Your honesty is really something and I could feel your emotions through your words years later. It sounds as if you have grown a lot since then and know who you are so much better now. Our past shapes our future in many ways, don’t you think? And you can always learn from it if you choose to. Thanks for a great read this morning! It made me stop and think about what might be something that I regret.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:04:47
Thanks for stopping by Beth Ann, I always like to hear what you have to say.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:12:17
You are so welcome!! Your post today was gutsy. Something I don’t always do well. Thanks!
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May 02, 2012 @ 05:16:01
Great post and raises many interesting points. With hindsight would we go back and change what we regret? But then would you still become the person you are now?
There is so much I should have done differently but believe those things have led to where I am now and am almost glad I learnt the hard way, Sometimes I think my life only really started when I was 28 years old.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:16:31
Of all the crazy things I’ve done in my life, I think this might be the only one I would change. We might have been able to remain friends while raising our daughter if we had not married. I regret the loss of that friendship.
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May 02, 2012 @ 08:33:18
Wow! We have much in common. I was 27 years old with my first and I too saw too many signs that we were at each other’s throats all the time. But I wanted to accomplish this bucket list too much to listen to my gut that said “no!” from his first proposal. I understand what you mean by not regretting, but also not wishing you had crossed this task on your list. Wow. Your words are most comforting. Thank you for sharing. 😀
Pink.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:05:42
You’re welcome Pink, hope you got out without too much damage.
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May 02, 2012 @ 13:16:34
‘Calling in “The One”‘ by Katherine Woodward Thomas really helped me to heal. She teaches me that to hold onto my pain, once grieved, is too limiting. I must, instead, allow myself to envision what it is that I do want. Which in itself will help intentions and behavior to be something more in line with what I hope for, instead of what I regret. LOVE the book! And LOVE your encouragement. 😀
Pink.
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May 02, 2012 @ 09:21:31
I too, have a marriage I wish I didn’t attend. I won’t go into details because I feel it would detract from your post, but I feel your pain. In the end, you are a stronger person for the experiences you endure.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:06:56
OK, dish. I love hearing other people’s stories. If you don’t want to detract from my post, why not do one of your own – using the question prompt?
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:12:06
I’ll just tell you here. I don’t really want to create a post for it because I don’t even want to think about it. Basically, I was in the Navy got engaged to a girl who then dumped me and I was on the rebound. I met a girl who I thought I was madly in love with, got married after only knowing her three weeks and we spent the next few months fighting, dealing with a miscarriage, and at the end she stole all my stuff and ruined a friendship I had with someone else. I just regret the whole thing. I do not, however, regret the binge of alcohol drinking it caused because that led me to my love for different types of beer. So that’s cool…
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:14:37
Wow, you sound like you really went through the ringer here. Glad you were able to bring an appreciation for beer out of it! Thanks for sharing!
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:23:18
No problem. 🙂 Yeah, it definitely sucked at the time. It was actually the cause of me ruining my career in the Navy. I don’t really have many feelings about it anymore, its just kind of like a shitty thing I don’t talk about. Kind of like my short stint as a self proclaimed rapper.
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:40:43
Self-proclaimed rapper? I would have loved to see that! Any videos hidden away?
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May 02, 2012 @ 09:30:23
Hopefully you learned form your regret and mistake, and and it sounds like you’ve moved well along since then!
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May 02, 2012 @ 11:07:35
Thanks EG, I have moved on & learned some valuable lessons along the way.
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May 02, 2012 @ 14:53:04
May 02, 2012 @ 15:56:29
It is very good of you to share something so personal…If I had been in your shoes I probably would have thought the same thing…it’s too late to change my mind…How silly we are …but you have a daughter from that marriage and she seems to have support and love from her father so all is good..Diane
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May 03, 2012 @ 00:51:30
Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate your comments
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May 02, 2012 @ 17:42:35
Thanks for sharing this. I didn’t mean for the answers to my questions to hurt. I was mostly looking for the nudity/porn/embarrassing variety of regret, not the painful ones. And you could have answered an easier one, but you didn’t.
Hey, why didn’t you answer an easy one?
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May 03, 2012 @ 00:49:01
This was the only one to which I had a real solid answer & that’s why I chose it. I prefer to write from my feelings in order to get my point across & I was able to do it here. I’m glad you appreciated my answer.
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May 02, 2012 @ 20:40:00
I guess first marriages are the training wheels for some, as we twist and wiggle down the driveway and crash into the bushes, while others hop on the 2-wheeler and ride down that driveway and into the street.
Poignant post and well written.
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May 03, 2012 @ 00:54:55
Thanks for stopping by & the lovely comments
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May 02, 2012 @ 21:18:51
Yea…Why didn;t you answer an easier one? I mean… not that you should have because you answered this beautifully… you put words to something that most people wouldn’t dare.. but I bet..many have felt… like ruining the peoples afternoon is worth 5 years of your life… I did it too..and then wanted out before the wedding pics were paid for and didnt speak up then either cause my parents paid for them…, thank you for sharing.. sorry you had to have this regret …
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May 03, 2012 @ 00:50:52
This regret used to haunt me, but no more. It’s been too many years now. I’m long past this.
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May 03, 2012 @ 01:04:43
thats good..no point in having regret for the things we cant change..or..,maybe regret is part of the grieving process but we certainly cant go forward if we are always looking back.. yes.. i am leaning 🙂
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May 03, 2012 @ 06:17:30
Are you my first wife? If so, sorry. If not, good post! HF
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May 04, 2012 @ 01:14:37
Thanks for appreciating my post! No, I am not your first wife BTW 🙂
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May 03, 2012 @ 13:37:23
Yep. Had that same exact experience as far as my feelings went. I was even warned by his step-mother that he was “going to hurt” me. I had no idea what she meant at the time, but boy did I get it later. Fortunately, I escaped while still alive and haven’t looked back a day since. ‘Course, if I didn’t have hunny, I probably would have been dead a few times over before we left……….
And yet, I can’t say I really regret it, because then I wouldn’t be here where I am now, and I woudn’t trade this for anything. 🙂
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May 03, 2012 @ 14:32:41
Hunny? Sorry I don’t understand. Thanks for stopping by!
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May 03, 2012 @ 14:43:03
Hunny= husband, the one I left with……………. 😀
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May 29, 2012 @ 01:47:56
May 29, 2012 @ 07:57:51
Thanks for sharing this Hobbles.
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