A couple of weeks ago, there was a lot of tagging going on in my neck of the woods of the blogosphere. I tagged Edward Hotspur with the question “What are you most proud of & why?” To which I received a wonderful answer & a tag back. Edward posed 11 questions & tagged a number of bloggers & challenged us to pick one, so I picked the one posed above.

The thing I regret the most is my first wedding – not my first marriage because I did everything in my power to make the marriage work.  I regret the wedding because if I had just called it off I could have saved myself almost 5 years of heart ache.

I remember waking up the morning of my wedding, laying in my bed alone & thinking, “If I didn’t have 135 people showing up to see me get married today I don’t think I would go.”  And isn’t that just about one of the saddest statements you’ve ever read?  I knew it was a mistake to get married & I went ahead with it anyway because I didn’t want to cause a fuss or embarrass myself, my parents & a whole lot of other people.  The saddest part is I was not a young teenager when this happened, I was 27 years old!  And I still didn’t have enough guts to stand up for myself!

My husband-to-be had a recurrence of chicken pox just before the wedding & so I had to hold him up at the altar.  Because he was sick we didn’t dance together the entire evening except for our obligatory first waltz.  When we left our reception, we went out for pizza before going back to our hotel where my new husband promptly fell asleep.  Little did I know this would be the start of almost 5 years of this man sleep walking through our marriage.

I don’t hate this man (I used to be quite angry at him for a few years, but the anger has long passed as I have accepted my part in the failure of our marriage).  He turned out to be a wonderful parent to our daughter.  I just wish I hadn’t married him in the first place.

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