It’s nice to know you have been missed by a few people when you have not posted for a while & for those of you who expressed your concern over my lack of posts, I really appreciate it.  It’s been a tough few months & unfortunately, I let it get me down.

To start with, after about 8 weeks off work,  I was given a new assignment.  The assignment was very busy & it really cut into my reading & writing time.  I should have known there was more to this office when I found out the last person just walked off the job one day.  I thought the person was pretty immature to do this kind of thing, now I understand her motivation.   Suffice to say, there is a lot of criticism & very little good feedback here.  It is demoralizing & I have found myself in tears in the washroom on a few ocassions.  Some may wonder why I stick it out when it’s difficult – it’s because when I give my word to someone, it’s as good as a bond.  I accepted this assignment, in effect I gave my word, & now I am determined to complete the assignment.  Luckily for me, there is only 1 more week to go.  My worry is I am damaging my excellent reputation as someone you can always count on to get things done by continuing in an assignment so negative.  I can’t imagine I will receive a good review when it is over since they are so critical to my face.  It’s difficult to know which tack to take sometimes.

My forced 8 week vacation from work followed another assignment where things did not go smoothly as well.  On my first day of this assignment I was told I would receive very little training of any kind because the last person who was given an assignment in this office had not returned after their first day & the person before them had lasted only 1 week.  Being the stubborn person I am, I was determined to stick this out & preserve the good reputation of the agency I work for.  I consistently asked for training so I could be more effective in my assignment, most of the time I was refused, but once in a while I would receive a drib or drab of information.  It was frustrating for me & I believe it was frustrating for the customers I was serving since I had so few tools to help them with.  The assignment did not end well & I found out recently the people I was working for  had written a scathingly bad review on me, blaming everything that went wrong in the assignment on me.

So now I have had 2 bad assignments in a row.  My confidence is shaken.  My self-esteem is dipping & my livelihood is threatened.  So I am a little down in the dumps.  I know in my heart I have done nothing wrong.  I made the best of a couple of very bad situations.  I worked hard where I could, when I had the tools to work with.  I tried to salvage my reputation as well as the reputation of the agency I work with.  But it has all left a very bad taste in my mouth.

Add to this, I sprained my left knee over a month ago & I keep re-injuring the knee so I am now at the point of micro tears in the ligaments.  So not only have I been stuck in a not so nice assignment, I have been in a lot of pain  for over a month.  Now I know this is nothing compared to some of the health issues some of my blogging friends are facing, but to me it is a big deal because it has left me using a cane to get around again.  Twenty years ago, I was heavily reliant on 2 canes to get around due to severe osteoarthritis.  So to have to use a cane again feels like the beginning of the long slide back into disability.  I don’t have the option of a steroid treatment this time due to my age & the risk of bone loss, so if this continues, there is only one way to go – down.

So, this has been my life in 2012 – my work life has not been at all satisfactory.  I have applied for permanent positions & even though I made it to the interview stage in 2 cases, I did not even receive the courtesy of a phone call to let me know I was not hired.  My assignments have been hard & demoralizing.  I have been in pain for over a month & my mobility is reduced again.  I am trying so hard to stay positive through all this but it’s hard, very hard.  And unfortunately, I withdrew from my blogging buddies & went into myself to try to deal with all this pain.  I even got to the point where I couldn’t post jokes.  My fault & I am doing my best to crawl back out of this hole.  Any handhold is greatly appreciated so – again, thank you to those who have sent encouraging messages my way during my absence.  It’s nice to know some people have your back.

Advertisements