Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, ‘I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.’
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob , after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ‘Who was that?’
‘It was Bob the next door neighbor ,’ she replies.
‘Great,’ the husband says, ‘did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?’
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, ‘Father, remember Psalm 129?’
The priest apologized ‘Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.’
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, ‘Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.’
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. They’re packed with nutrients..’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree..
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3 ) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE
behindthemaskofabuse
Feb 26, 2013 @ 09:52:05
oh my gosh so funny!!
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 17:44:19
Thanks!
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The Cutter
Feb 26, 2013 @ 10:41:48
I needed a good chuckle this afternoon.
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 18:40:25
Thanks for stopping by!
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Carrie Rubin
Feb 26, 2013 @ 13:11:20
These are wonderful! Important life lessons for sure. Thanks for a good laugh. 🙂 They’re all great, but I loved #1 and #3. That would be just my luck…
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 17:45:04
Number 3 would definitely be me!
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El Guapo
Feb 26, 2013 @ 13:40:53
If the one with the manager happened to me, there’d be 2 job openings in the office.
One to replace the dead manager, and one for me having gone to prison.
Great set, Benze!
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 17:47:25
Really – I had you pegged as a really nice guy Guaps! Do I have to change my opinion?
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El Guapo
Feb 26, 2013 @ 19:48:24
Change? No.
Refine? Mmmm….could be…
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 19:56:43
So now I have to add he-man to my list of great qualities that make up El Guapo!
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El Guapo
Feb 26, 2013 @ 19:58:01
Yes, but the cartoon kind. Not the He Man Woman Haters club of Little Rascals fame.
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benzeknees
Feb 26, 2013 @ 20:08:42
Of course, I would never take you for a woman hater! I believe you are a lover of women & a proponent of women’s rights!
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The Laughing Housewife
Feb 27, 2013 @ 05:22:42
Brilliant!
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monocochlearmutineer
Mar 07, 2013 @ 20:45:12
I suspect a modicum of truth lies hidden in these gems…
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benzeknees
Mar 07, 2013 @ 20:54:11
I suspect you are right. Thanks for stopping by!
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2013 @ 04:54:29
Thanks for stopping by, I hope you will come back in the future!
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2013 @ 04:53:02
Thanks for stopping by! I hope you enjoy some of my more serious work as well.
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Mar 10, 2013 @ 13:09:01
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2013 @ 04:52:07
Thanks for stopping by!
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Mar 10, 2013 @ 13:26:52
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2013 @ 04:51:29
I don’t mind if you share my work with your group as long as you give me credit where it’s due. Thanks for stopping by!
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2013 @ 04:50:39
Thanks for stopping by!
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elitespringbedmattress
Aug 18, 2013 @ 21:27:48
this is so good! gave me smile in the office! 🙂 thanks for posting tickle me tuesday, i always love it.. 😀
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benzeknees
Aug 19, 2013 @ 07:58:45
Thanks so much, glad you’re enjoying it! I will be starting a new series to add to my blog about making the transition from living in the bush to living in society again – hopefully it will have a comical twist to it too! Hope you’ll stop back for it.
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