Tickle MeThis is such an old joke, some of you may not have even been born when it went around the first time.

Phil was a young successful lawyer who loved to dress well.  He loved to party hearty & spent most weekends drinking & dancing at the clubs.  As he approached his 30th birthday though he started having horrible headaches right in the middle of his forehead.  At first he thought it was his excessive partying, so he cut down from going out both nights of every weekend to just one night.  However, cutting down on drinking & dancing did not help with his headache.  Every morning, as soon as he opened his eyes, the pain would be there.  Pretty soon he was in too much pain to go out partying at all & his work was starting to suffer.  Finally, he headed for the doctor’s office to see what could be done.

The doctor took a full history & completed a very thorough examination.  He sent away blood samples, urine sample & stool samples to make sure he left no stone unturned.  He made a follow up appointment for the next week for Phil.  Phil went home to bed because his headache was so bad.

When he walked into the doctor’s office the next week, Phil was almost unrecognizable.  He had lost a lot of weight from the pain, he looked like he had aged 10 years.  The doctor sat him down in his office.

“Phil, I have some very bad news for you,” the doctor told him.  “All of your tests have come back negative, we can’t find anything physically wrong with you.”

“But doctor, the pain is getting worse & worse!  I cannot even concentrate at work & have lost a lot of my clients.  You have to be able to do something!”

“Well, Phil, I have consulted with a colleague of mine who has more experience in these types of things & we agree the pain is being caused by something wrong with your testicles & they need to come off.”

Phil was appalled & vowed he would not be having that surgery.  Phil went to five more doctors & they all said the same thing, so a few weeks later he showed up back at the original doctors.  He looked like a wreck of a man & he begged the doctor to complete the surgery.  Since he was obviously in such pain the doctor pulled some strings & got him into the hospital & into surgery the very next day.  After a couple days of recovery, Phil felt better than ever & decided to get some new clothes on his way home for the hospital.

He stopped at a little tailor in the garment district.  The tailor presented him with many different fabrics & they finally chose a couple different ones to make him new suits.  Phil was very surprised when the tailor did not use a measuring tape, but instinctively knew all of his measurements.  When Phil questioned him on this point, the tailor told him,

“When you’ve been in the business for as long as I have you get to know these things.”

A week later, Phil shows up at the tailor’s to pick up his new suits.  He tries them both on & they fit like gloves.  The tailor mentions they have a big sale on underwear & asks if Phil would like to buy some since it will make his pants hang better.  Phil agrees & asks the tailor to add a half dozen pairs of size small to his order.

But the tailor disagrees & says to Phil, “Oh, no, no!  A man of your size should definitely wear a medium!”

“But I have always worn a small!” protests Phil.

“No, no you must wear a medium.  If you wear your underwear too tight, your balls hang out the sides, go clack-clack together & you get a pain right in the middle of your forehead!”

Ta dum dum!

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