Twin sisters in a Newfoundland Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well..
Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!” said the other.
“Now get a little closer together,” said the cameraman.
Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS, ‘SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE.'” So they wiggled up close to each other.
“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.
Yet again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS! ”
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH LARD JESUS! – BOTH OF US????”
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After bypass surgery, a patient says to his doctor, “Can I start having sex?”
The doctor replies, “Yes, but only with your wife, your heart is not yet ready for any excitement!”
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Paddy says: “Well the joke’s on them stupid bastards because I wasn’t even home yesterday.”
photosfromtheloonybin
May 07, 2013 @ 04:54:19
Hahaha – good ones !!! 🙂
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 13:07:43
Tried to stick to a theme today.
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hilarymb
May 07, 2013 @ 05:06:10
Hiya .. how you find these .. just too funny though .. cheers Hilary
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 13:08:51
Thanks! I actually just keep a file on my laptop & every time someone sends me a joke I put it in the file. Then I rotate them out as I think they’ll go over well.
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Carrie Rubin
May 07, 2013 @ 10:40:40
These are great. Loved that last one!
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 13:09:23
Thanks!
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John Erickson
May 07, 2013 @ 11:32:30
The last one sounds like the British woman who contacted the bus company president, complaining that the new bus-stop in front of their house allowed the upper deck passengers to see her and her husband in bed. The president went to her house, and she took him upstairs and had him lay on the bed, to show him that the passengers could indeed see into the window. Just then, her husband came home early, and roared in anger when he saw his wife in bed with a stranger. The president kept his cool, though, and quickly replied “It’s alright, I’m just waiting for a bus.” 😀
“Doctor, was the surgery on my hands a success?”
“Yes, a complete success!”
“Will I be able to play the piano?”
“Yes, perfectly.”
“That’s great, I couldn’t before!”
(Insert rimshot here.)
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 13:10:08
Bah de dum!!!!
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behindthemaskofabuse
May 07, 2013 @ 12:08:35
Oh man ….lol
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 13:10:38
Not to your taste?
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behindthemaskofabuse
May 07, 2013 @ 13:20:41
oh no they were funny!
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mara4africatoalgarve
May 07, 2013 @ 14:11:43
You’re good. Thanks for visiting my blog.
Those “Maios” were a competition and if the club answers my email, I’ll have the results soon. I phoned and they told me the results were on the noticeboard at the club. I said, “Well, that’s no good. I’m not driving an hour just to get the results! Can I have them by email?”
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 16:31:28
It seems like an interesting competition. It would be neat if they were the clues in a treasure hunt or something like it.
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ibdesignsusa
May 07, 2013 @ 16:38:21
Still laughing at those jokes! Thanks for visiting my blog.
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 21:13:14
Glad you got a laugh – thanks for visiting back!
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ibdesignsusa
May 07, 2013 @ 21:17:58
🙂
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becomingcliche
May 07, 2013 @ 18:20:34
#3 – D’OH!
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benzeknees
May 07, 2013 @ 21:16:24
The joke is on who?
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