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Canadian Jokes

Before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, I’m just posting them before a non-Canadian does in an attempt to embarrass us Canadians.  See, we can laugh at our ourselves!

JOKE # 1
After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, ‘Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona .’ The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, ‘I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.’ The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, ‘I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.’ He gets it.

The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, ‘Give me a Coke.’
The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, ‘Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?’

The Molson Canadian president replies, ‘Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.

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JOKE #2
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, ‘Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer for?’

‘I got it for my wife, eh.’ answers Bob.
‘Oh!’ exclaims Doug, ‘Good trade.

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JOKE #3
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and asked,
‘Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?’

‘Sure it’s easy,’ replied the neurosurgeon. ‘All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you’ll be a Newfie.’

He was very pleased and immediately underwent the operation. However, the neurosurgeon’s knife slipped and instead of cutting 1/3 of the patient’s brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient’s brain.

He was terribly remorseful and waited impatiently beside the patient’s bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him, ‘I’m terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain.’
The patient replied, ‘Qu’est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?

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JOKE #4
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia ?

The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins
and throwing them back.

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JOKE #5

In Canada, we have two seasons… six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling.

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JOKE #6
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together.
They proceeded to each buy a pint of Labatt Blue. Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing happened.
The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling,
‘SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!!!’

Rumor has it the Canadian was of Scottish descent.

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JOKE #7
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.
‘Black pepper, or white pepper?’ asked the concierge.
‘Toilette pepper!’ yelled the Quebecer.

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This is for my friends in Southern Ontario who experienced snow over the Mother’s Day weekend:

churchsignsnow

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