I just got off the phone with friend living in northern Maine near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
***********************************************************
He said . .. I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it.
She said .. . You wear pants don’t you?
He said .. ……. .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . . That’s a good idea – you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . . What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . .. “My husband follows me everywhere”
Written just below it . ” I do not”
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A. Both of them.
Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys two cases of beer .
Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A. The bonds mature.
Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.
Q . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don’t know; it has never happened.
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow.
Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They’re married.
Man says to God: “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says: “So you would love her.”
But God,” the man says , “why did you make her so dumb?”
God says: “So she would love you.”
HAPPY HALLOWE’EN!
photosfromtheloonybin
Oct 29, 2013 @ 05:21:20
You me laughing out loud over and over today. Thank you :).
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photosfromtheloonybin
Oct 29, 2013 @ 05:26:16
I just phoned my hubby at work to tell him the first joke about the man leaving his wife outside in the snow, and my hubby’s response was, “I would just draw the curtains”. What a jerk eh? LOL!!
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TBM
Oct 29, 2013 @ 08:39:04
I love Mike! At least he’s honest 😉
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photosfromtheloonybin
Oct 29, 2013 @ 18:35:52
Is that what you call it? LOL!!!
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benzeknees
Oct 29, 2013 @ 07:36:05
Your hubby is too cruel (& exceedingly funny)!
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photosfromtheloonybin
Oct 29, 2013 @ 18:36:10
Yup, that’s him :).
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TBM
Oct 29, 2013 @ 08:39:38
Thanks for the laugh. I used to be a blond–I really got tired of those jokes.
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benzeknees
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:53:07
I am blonde & I liked the twist on this one because it implied men were too dumb to remember even a short joke!
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Ron
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:03:47
OMG..these are ALL so HILARIOUS!
“He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.”
Bwhahahahahahaha!
Also, I love the Halloween pics you shared!
Happy Halloween!
And thanks for the laughs 🙂
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benzeknees
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:53:44
You are very welcome! Hope you have a great Hallowe’en!
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pouringmyartout
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:30:39
Hey… I do dishes… there are three of us…
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benzeknees
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:54:26
Of course you do Art (tongue in cheek)!
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pouringmyartout
Oct 29, 2013 @ 09:58:25
Hey… go back and read that post I did about working on the tobacco farm in Kentucky… I nearly started a revolution when I offered to do the dishes…
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Carrie Rubin
Oct 29, 2013 @ 12:47:44
I love the toilet paper one. I have three males in the home, and I’m not sure they even know how to take that little metal rod out and slip it through the toilet paper hole. But not for my lack of trying to teach them. 🙂
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benzeknees
Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:25:20
I have lived with men like this before & I don’t know where they think it “magically appears” from! And woe is someone if they don’t have some when they need it! Hahahahahaha
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Mark Petruska
Oct 29, 2013 @ 17:18:26
Trust me, an empty toilet paper roll drives me crazy. Even if it’s getting CLOSE to empty, I change that sucker so I won’t obsess over it!
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benzeknees
Oct 30, 2013 @ 10:16:43
Over or under Mark?
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Mark Petruska
Oct 30, 2013 @ 11:28:50
Over, of course!
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benzeknees
Oct 30, 2013 @ 12:13:03
Some woman taught you well Mark!
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thehobbler
Oct 29, 2013 @ 19:59:37
You find the best jokes. I love reading you on Tuesdays. The other days too, but Tuesdays are a must.
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benzeknees
Oct 30, 2013 @ 10:31:29
I’m happy any time I see your avatar show up on my blog Hobbles!
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behindthemaskofabuse
Oct 29, 2013 @ 20:26:40
ahaha! thanks for the moon!
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benzeknees
Oct 30, 2013 @ 10:17:22
I’m not sure what to say Zoe – never been thanked for a moon before! 😉
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