Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn’t say a word…he knew better.
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I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with men’s balls’
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My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts.’
My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
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While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
‘right now’ she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
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Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell
for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said ‘No’
. . . I kept thinking ‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.’
Then I said, ‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’
‘No,’ he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny did you have an accident?
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!
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This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked:
‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?’
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
NotAPunkRocker
Mar 11, 2014 @ 04:14:51
Thanks for the laughs this morning!
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:05:04
No problemo! Just a regular Tuesday Tickles around here, although some are better than others!
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April
Mar 11, 2014 @ 04:23:47
Lol this is hysterical!
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:03:53
Thank you April! Thanks for stopping by!
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photosfromtheloonybin
Mar 11, 2014 @ 04:46:36
Best jokes ever!!!!! I almost spewed my cereal all over my iPad, and I’m still laughing :).
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:57:57
High praise indeed! I’m going to have to put a disclaimer on the top about not being responsible for replacing electronic equipment after food spewing!
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photosfromtheloonybin
Mar 11, 2014 @ 16:22:20
That might make for a funny blog post :).
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Harliqueen
Mar 11, 2014 @ 05:20:28
Great post! Gave me a real good laugh-out-loud moment 😀
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:58:22
Glad to hear it – Tuesdays should start with a laugh!
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naptimethoughts
Mar 11, 2014 @ 05:37:14
I love it. I have much the same post about my five year old on my blog. Ahhh, the joys of parenthood.
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:58:04
Yes, I remember when my 5 year old asked me to kiss her boo boo in front of the neighbors – she had fallen off her bike & banged her pelvis. I gave her a nice cuddle instead.
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Elyse
Mar 11, 2014 @ 06:10:00
Great way to start the day, Benze! Thanks.
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:58:45
Thanks Elyse! Have a great day!
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El Guapo
Mar 11, 2014 @ 09:24:32
I love those moments of unintentional embarrassment, both mine and others.
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behindthemask
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:34:10
I would prefer to enjoy others embarrassment!
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El Guapo
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:52:44
Yeah, but I am often the funniest joke around. 😀
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behindthemask
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:43:47
Well good, then proceed. Make me laugh…
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El Guapo
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:55:52
Ok…So there was this girl, on the internet, and she hated hawaiian shirts!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 😉
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behindthemask
Mar 11, 2014 @ 14:17:23
right, keep going…
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:59:42
Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself or you’ll cry! If you start the laughing then it feels like people are laughing with you instead of at you too!
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Ron
Mar 11, 2014 @ 09:47:55
Bwhahahahahahaha! Benze…these are HILARIOUS!
And I laughed extra hard at the first one because when I used to be hairstylist, I accidentally said the same thing to a customer one time on the phone. I said, “Okay…I have written your appointment down at 2 PM, for a haircut and blow job.”
And luckily for me she laughed and said, “No…just a haircut, you can skip the blow job.”
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:01:17
Quick thinking client! Have a great day Ron!
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pouringmyartout
Mar 11, 2014 @ 09:59:52
I am laughing… but I am never going to think before I speak… who has time for that?
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:01:51
Well, I know you don’t! Crack squirrels don’t think do they?
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pouringmyartout
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:04:57
Hey… they do all my thinking for me…
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:23:05
And that’s why YOU don’t think before YOU speak!
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pouringmyartout
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:45:24
right
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Carrie Rubin
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:15:57
“Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back?”—Too many times. Too many times…
But luckily none as dramatic as these. So funny! Thanks for sharing them. 🙂
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:02:25
Thanks for stopping by Carrie! Have a great day!
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Carrie Rubin
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:03:53
You too. 🙂
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behindthemask
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:34:22
Bawhahaha!
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:02:47
I know, right? Have a great day!
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behindthemask
Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:42:27
They made my day! lol You too!
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sarsm
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:12:11
These are hilarious!!
A long, long time ago I ran a small Kindergarten in our village. My eldest daughter was one of our attendees. We invited the police to have a talk with the kids. They were delighted. They had a nosey in the police car, a hold of a truncheon and at some point the handsome police officer hauled out his handcuffs.
My daughter yelled out, “My mum has some of those in her bedroom!”
To make matters worse my ex-friend and one time employee informed EVERY SINGLE PARENT as they arrived to collect their kids.
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benzeknees
Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:18:13
And is this why this person is an ex-friend & ex-employee?
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Mark Petruska
Mar 11, 2014 @ 16:47:08
That’s my kind of hair salon!
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benzeknees
Mar 12, 2014 @ 11:32:31
You’re a newlywed! Get Tara to trim your hair & blow you dry 😉
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Tena Carr
Mar 13, 2014 @ 13:18:31
Reblogged this on Jottings and Writings and commented:
These were just too funny not to share… Embarrassing, but funny
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artfullyadelie
Mar 14, 2014 @ 19:00:54
This is fantastic! As a Michigander, I remember that particular news episode. I’ve definitely had my fair share of awkward mishaps, but thankfully no cameras were around. Thanks for brightening my day!
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benzeknees
Mar 15, 2014 @ 11:47:37
I’ve often been thankful for the absence of cameras during my mishaps!
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