This post is inspired by Life in the Boomer Lane’s post on Guerilla Aging http://lifeintheboomerlane.com/2014/03/21/guerrilla-aging-when-where-we-are-isnt-where-we-thought-wed-be/
I am afraid to say my life isn’t what I thought it would be. As part of the boomer generation, I was very much into the hippie movement.
I have always been very independent. Up until I became pregnant with my daughter, I thought I would be a career woman & never have any children at all. I had been steadily climbing the rungs of the ladder to that goal (unaware I would have hit a glass ceiling at the time). I started working my very first job just weeks after my 16th birthday & I worked all of my life up until August, 2012.
In August, 2012 I had been struggling with some health issues (severe incontinence associated with a very difficult hysterectomy, explosive diarrhea associated with gallbladder removal, shortness of breath) & then I injured my left knee. No one had a definitive answer for why I couldn’t bear weight on my left leg anymore (I woke up with it), but I was assured it was “just a sprain.” Except it didn’t get any better. I used a cane, but still had a great deal of difficulty getting around & the pain was not letting up. I went to the emergency room to try to get some help & was told I was aggravating the “sprain” & was now experiencing micro-tears in the ligaments of my left knee. I was put on crutches so I would do no weight-bearing at all. In the meantime I continued to try working. When my assignment ended I wasn’t in any hurry to take on a new assignment because hubby & I were in the middle of moving from the south end of the city to the northeast end of the city. I wanted to take some time to get settled in our new place before going back to work. Except when I tried to go back to work, there was no work for me – I had received an uncomplimentary performance review which referred to my knee injury being part of the reason my performance was not satisfactory.
I had just finished back to back assignments where I was replacing people who had just walked off the job in the middle of their shifts, so I guess I should have been better prepared when both assignments gave poor performance reviews for me. But I had such an exemplary performance record up to this point, I was totally floored by what happened! I was 56 years old & I was out of work & not in the best of health. Although I made a good faith effort to find work, I had no luck whatsoever. Every job interview for jobs I did not get pushed me further & further into depression. By the time my employment insurance benefits ran out I was so depressed I could barely get out of bed.
I am still suffering with severe knee pain, severe incontinence, my respite from back pain (born with spina bifida) seems to have ended & I have recently been diagnosed with COPD for which there is no cure. My health will only continue to deteriorate. I was lucky enough to find a medication to help with the explosive diarrhea.
I am fighting with the government to get disability benefits which is mind-numbingly debilitating. I have had no income for well over a year. I now rely totally on my husband for support who is fighting his own battle with unemployment. Who wants to hire someone who is so obviously close to retiring? (Sorry hubby, but you do look your age) This is hard for me to do. I have always had my own income & even if it was low income, I was always able to contribute to looking after the household. Due to back pain, knee pain & shortness of breath, it is difficult to help with any household chores.
Why is it when you need help due to disability, the government puts so many roadblocks in your way to keep you from getting the help you need. You’re sick, but expected to jump through hoops, when walking is difficult enough. You’re already dealing with the loss of ability (& possibly your approaching demise) & the depression which accompanies it, then the government adds to your depression by making it all so difficult for you. A blogging buddy has said the government does this to you because they hope you will be too sick to keep up the fight, so they won’t have to pay out the benefits you have paid into your whole life.
I thought these years would look much more like the picture on the left. My husband should be retiring in May of 2015, but it’s not going to happen. Like he says, he will probably have to work “until he drops dead.” His unemployment benefits run out in another couple months. Our retirement savings are slowly dwindling as we have to use them to supplement our income right now. We have pared down our expenses & soon may have to make some tough choices about changing our frugal lifestyle even more.
This is not how I thought I would be spending my remaining years.
Mar 27, 2014 @ 02:15:08
wow: …keep on keepin on …keep ur chin up …. Q
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:38:35
Do you remember the cartoon of the man with the big foot that went with this saying?
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 04:48:01
I hope things improve soon, it’s tough thinking of what is ‘supposed’ to be and then reality pretty much just crushes that.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 10:58:32
I don’t think I really even thought of retirement too much until we were in our own store & money was good (in my 40’s), then we started making plans. Everything went downhill from there.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 04:51:55
I am so sorry that you have been going through such rough times lately. We just can’t predict life can we? I mean everyone looks forward to the retirement years to do all the things they never had the time or money for during the years they were raising a family and working non-stop. Some people are lucky but many are not. That’s exactly why my hubby and I are planning a big trip for this summer. He really didn’t want to spend the money at first, but the way I look at it is that we should do it while we both have our health. I try to be a positive person, but you just never know what might happen. I really hope that your life will take a more positive turn very soon :).
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:00:49
I think it’s good you are planning trips while you’re both still able because you’re right, you never know what’s going to happen down the line. Hubby & I won a trip to Cuba in 2004 & then went on a cruise the next year – they were the last vacations we took together (he went to Mexico for his daughter’s wedding but I stayed home & worked because we were financially strapped). Those are good memories to have!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 15:57:20
They certainly are, and it’s those memories that can help us get through the hard times :).
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 05:51:12
Very sorry to hear of your troubles. Poor health on top of the employment limitations is a double whammy for sure, especially for someone accustomed to being so independent. I hope a bright spot surfaces for you soon.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:01:47
I have traded some of my independence for comfort, but it still irks me from time to time.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 07:34:35
Sorry to hear you are having difficulties on so many fronts. Another option may be doing customer support work from home. My neighbor has MS and is able to work from home doing this. Several companies due this and contract with major companies and government agencies. She has done support for Turbo Tax and the IRS. All that is required is a Windows based computer, a non wireless connection and a landline. All training is done online. Some companies give preference to disabled workers. Might be worth looking into.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 08:19:06
That’s a great idea!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:02:59
Hubby was mentioning a similar type of job here in Edmonton recently, except they required you to attend training for 3 days in their main office & that would be next to impossible for me to do.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 17:55:01
Do you have a company name or anything? I’m interested too.
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 14:19:12
Unfortunately, this was a job with the provincial government here in Alberta, so you would need to live in Alberta to qualify. I wonder if some of the state governments have these type of positions? This was seasonal work – being available to answer questions about provincial parks, maybe booking camp sites? Check your state government & city government websites to see if they have something similar.
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 16:35:07
Ok, thanks
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 08:19:50
I wish I had something to offer besides sympathy and empathy, Benze.
If I hit the lottery (any day now!), I’ll cut you in.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:03:48
I’ll take you up on that Guaps! Didn’t mean to be such a downer – just the realities of life creeping in based on the prompt!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 08:31:17
((Hugs)) to you, dear. Here’s to things improving…
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:04:27
Thanks NAPR! Just have to keep on keeping on!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 09:22:13
You are breaking my heart…
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:05:44
Don’t think that way Art, even though I appreciate your empathy. I have some challenges & yes, they tire me out from time to time. Sometimes they bring me down. But I’m not ready to give up yet!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:41:04
That is why you are a super hero
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:42:33
Just another person trying to get by!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 12:06:33
right
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 10:50:40
Dear Benze, That’s a shitty middle part to the story (pun intended). We’re going to have to work on a better third act for you my friend! Lots of love.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 10:55:04
When I was wandering around in my homemade, to the ankles, jean skirt I certainly did not picture this is where I would be now!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 10:58:16
These bodies of ours, they are just such jokesters … grrrrr.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:06:42
Unfortunately, all the things our elders used to tell us about getting arthritis in our legs because we wore our skirts too short, etc., etc. – some of it comes true! 🙂
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:08:46
Arthritis in your legs from miniskirts? I missed that one!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 11:43:33
No one told you that? I thought it was just my mother trying to get me to wear longer skirts!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 14:40:21
I’m so sorry, Benze. I had no idea.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 16:52:16
Not looking for sympathy Twindaddy – more trying to show how small changes (setbacks) can make such a big difference in what happens in a person’s life.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 17:18:55
I don’t know what else to say.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 17:33:36
You have also had some struggles, but you came through. LIke most people with depression, I have to just keeping looking ahead.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 17:35:43
It’s all we can do.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 16:47:07
There’s a famous quote in my family: “old age is hell.” This post proves that to be true.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 16:51:12
You’re right Mark!
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 18:03:00
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m not sure what all resources are available there, but here in the US, we have the department of rehabilitation (which can help tons if you’re trying to find employment). When I applied for disability benefits I was denied, and had to appeal before I got on it. I could walk at the time, but incontinence was a big part of the determination. They do make it difficult.
Someone we know started making hair bows and selling them on garage sale sites. She advertises with Facebook and stuff. I know some other bloggers make some money reviewing books and stuff, but that seems pretty time-consuming without a big paycheck.
There’s a site called O’desk that might be worth looking in to.
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 14:16:58
Thanks Hobbles! I am appealing my denial & waiting for specialists to see! Thanks for your encouragement.
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Mar 27, 2014 @ 21:41:45
I can feel your disillusionment…I guess that what disturbs me the most is that you are most certainly entitled to disability and yet there is a segment of our society that knows how to get around the system and receive them when they are clearly not entitled to them… I know myself those who have two generations of abusing the system…child sees father gets money and doesn’t have to work…and grows up and does the same thing…
I hope somehow you appeal if they are denied… and get doctors to fight on your behalf through explaining your issues.
In my case I had hoped to grow old ‘gracefully’ but it hasn’t happened…. Too many medical issues… So … I hear you !….. Diane
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 14:15:25
Thank you Diane, for both your kind words & your support! Yes, I am appealing the denial of my benefits, but it is so very tiring! I’m so sorry to hear you are not enjoying the type of retirement you envisioned either.
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 18:49:27
“Why is it when you need help due to disability, the government puts so many roadblocks in your way to keep you from getting the help you need. You’re sick, but expected to jump through hoops, when walking is difficult enough.’
Yes, I agree, Benze! My mother went through the same thing a year and a half ago, when she was diagnosed with cancer and to fight with insurance companies up until the time she passed away.
Yet, why does it seem that so many people (who abuse the system) know EXACTLY how to get what they need? Trust me, I live a city that thinks it’s entitled to everything for FREE. And it blows me away how many of the people here get it for free.
Sorry to hear about your challenges right now. Just know that things WILL turn around for you. I went through tremendous financial challenges when I first moved back to the east coast, and even had to file bankruptcy. But things DID turn around.
Sending you and your husband lots of good vibes…
((((((((( You and hubby ))))))))
X
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 02:26:18
Awwww, so sweet Ron! Thanks for the hugs! We had to file bankruptcy when we lost our store in NW Ont. & that’s how we ended up in Alberta in the first place! But Alberta has not been kind to hubby in the job department. Sorry to hear about your mother.
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Mar 28, 2014 @ 19:38:30
Geez, life sure can suck sometimes and you seem to have your share. i’m glad you have the explosive diarrhea problems worked out, tho! I am getting so tired of all of this ageism stuff, I too am not hired for jobs ‘cos I’m TOO F-ING OLD. Old means experience, old means brains. People have it all wrong. I hope one day you get down to SoCal!
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 02:24:24
Our plan was to retire to an RV & travel all over the continent, so I could blog about our travels!
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 09:09:31
Work on getting healthy first!
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 13:44:10
Unfortunately, there is no cure for COPD so my journey will be downhill for the most part, but I’m working to stemming the downward slide for as long as I can!
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 15:42:05
I kinda can relate, as I have pretty bad asthma, have had for a long time. It’s managed with advair but sometimes I need rescue inhaler and it’s a scary thing to feel like you can’t breathe. My ex has COPD but he was/is smoker. I’ve never smoked, but my parents did.
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 16:30:37
My parents smoked,I smoked, hubby smoked . . . Now we have all quit. My parents both have COPD. They were recently diagnosed as I was. They are in their 70’s & 80’s & retired already. I use Advair for my COPD as well.
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Mar 29, 2014 @ 17:20:39
I’ve tried to quit, but I can’t. Hey, do you bruise easily on your arms, hands? I have tissue thin skin and my doc said it could be from Advair. It makes me look like I’m 100 yrs old 😦
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Mar 30, 2014 @ 16:03:53
I have noticed my skin is super dry, so is my throat all the time. I have been bruising easily for years & now something as simple as scratching myself can cause the skin to break. I will bring it up with my pulmonary specialist when I finally get to see him in May!
I wish I could convince you to quit smoking. I thought it would take the doctor putting me in a coma for a week or so in order for me to quit. But when your breathing becomes bad enough . . . by then it’s too late! There is no cure for COPD! No matter when it is diagnosed, it’s only going to get worse & it will eventually kill you. But before it does you will become an invalid, needing help with so much. Please, please find a way to quit before it becomes this severe.
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Mar 30, 2014 @ 17:26:33
Me quit smoking? I’ve never smoked a day in my life, hate the things cos my mom and dad smoked. Do you have me mixed up with someone else? (Re your previous replay) But if I did smoke, I’d totally listen to you!!
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Mar 30, 2014 @ 11:25:37
(((Benze))). That is all I can offer.
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Mar 30, 2014 @ 16:04:19
Thanks Jaded – a hug is always welcome!
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Mar 30, 2014 @ 17:28:12
Oh now I see that I didn’t explain it very good! I tried to quit doing my Advair Inhaler but my asthma is too bad. Not that I’ve tried to quit smoking. My bad, I wasn’t specific. Sorry!!
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Mar 31, 2014 @ 10:11:31
So, you’re not smoking? I hope this is the case. I would suggest you check with your doc about switching to another puffer instead of quitting Advair. Advair contains a steroid inhaler to help keep your lungs doing the best they can & it takes a couple of weeks to build up their good effects so it’s not a good idea to just quit. Definitely talk to your doc! Maybe Spiriva would work better for you – it didn’t work for me because it gave me the shakes so bad I couldn’t function.
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Mar 31, 2014 @ 13:13:14
Yah, tried spiriva too, didn’t like it. I guess I’m stuck with advair til they come up with something better. (and nope, never smoked. hated everything about it.)
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Mar 31, 2014 @ 13:24:57
Yeah, I got lost in your comments & didn’t realize you never smoked.
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Mar 31, 2014 @ 13:29:32
Important to clarify I think! One of the reasons I couldn’t stay married to #1, he tried every way possible to quit but couldn’t.
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Mar 31, 2014 @ 16:43:25
I’m sorry to hear that you are going through so much. This story is one of my biggest fears. I know a good amount of your concerns personally and I wonder just how many of us are dealing with these kinds of crossroads. I don’t have any answers yet, but it seems like this is a growing issue within our society. There has to be a way of opening discussion with Health Cda.
I wish you the very best Bk.
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Apr 01, 2014 @ 00:52:03
Yes, it’s difficult dealing with them & it’s going to get even worse now the federal government has let their deal with the provinces lapse.
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Apr 11, 2014 @ 16:02:08
I really hope things improve for you, nothing gets me more depressed than being unemployed.
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Apr 11, 2014 @ 16:59:11
Thank you – it’s my hubby who needs a job, I am disabled & can’t work anymore. This has been a slightly better week because he’s had a few job interviews set up for this week & next.
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Apr 25, 2014 @ 11:05:19
On another note … thank you for stopping by and the “follow”. Really appreciated!!! Peace …..
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Apr 25, 2014 @ 15:02:31
Thank you back for stopping by! I have really enjoyed your postings on Share Your WordPress Blog!
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Apr 25, 2014 @ 16:32:18
Thank you!!! Really appreciate it … 🙂
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