Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

There once was a happy little fly buzzing around a barn, when she came upon a large pile of fresh cow manure. Since it had been hours since her last meal and she was feeling hunger pangs, she flew down to the irresistible delicacy and began to munch out.

She ate ….. and ate … and then … she ate some more!

Finally, she decided she’d had plenty. She washed her face with her tiny front legs, belched a few times, then attempted to fly away.

But alas ….she had pigged out far too much and could not get off the ground.

She looked around wondering what to do about this unpleasant situation when she spotted a pitchfork leaning upright against the barn wall.

She’d found a solution! She realized that if she could just become airborne she’d be able to fly again.

So, she painstakingly, climbed to the top of the handle. Once there, she took a deep breath, spread her tiny fly wings, and leaped confidently into the air. She dropped like a rock and splattered all over the floor…

Dead fly…

The moral of this sad story?

Never fly off the handle when you know you’re full of shit!


london-bus-10013616In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt.  As the bus stopped & it was her turn to get on, she became aware her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.  Slightly embarrassed & with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg enough.

 Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t.  So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.  For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.  With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to
make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, “How dare you touch my body!  I don’t even know who you are!’

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”