The Darwins are out!!!!
Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4.. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer: $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly… He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
Bill Hamilton
Aug 26, 2014 @ 04:30:03
Benze, Great I started Tuesday with a chuckle. Thanks take care, Bill
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:04:53
I figured it went well with the awards show yesterday! Glad you got a chuckle!
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Carrie Rubin
Aug 26, 2014 @ 06:27:46
These are great! As my husband likes to say, “You can’t fix stupid.” 🙂
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:05:22
Unfortunately, that is so true!
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Elyse
Aug 26, 2014 @ 07:29:38
I anxiously await these every year — thanks for sharing them with me, Benze! I think the convenience store one is my favorite!
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:06:04
I’ll have to keep that in mind Elyse!
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DiatribesAndOvations.com
Aug 26, 2014 @ 07:41:41
I love these! Thanks for sharing!
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:06:20
Thanks for stopping by!
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pouringmyartout
Aug 26, 2014 @ 09:23:03
Oh, humans, you crack me up…
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:07:08
You should know . . .
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pouringmyartout
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:29:22
I should…
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Ron
Aug 26, 2014 @ 09:34:33
These are GREAT, Benze! Loved them all, however, #9 made me HOWL. OMG…that was brilliant!
Thanks for the super Tuesday Tickles!
X
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 12:08:06
I agree Ron, number 9 was pretty darn good!
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Margarita
Aug 26, 2014 @ 14:18:20
These are so funny! I confess to a fondness for #7 – that visual has me chuckling all over again! xoxoM
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 18:37:29
No. 7 is pretty funny too!
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Gibber
Aug 26, 2014 @ 21:39:03
Ewww sewage!
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 21:50:21
Gross eh? Where have you been?
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Gibber
Aug 26, 2014 @ 21:58:50
Just a little! lol I was in town today doing shopping. I have to go back to town tomorrow too. Monday was a slower day. Sat. We had an event at the Fire dept. How are you?
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benzeknees
Aug 26, 2014 @ 23:37:56
Doc on Monday, Doc on Tuesday. Home tomorrow, Thursday & Friday. Call me when you have time.
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Gibber
Aug 27, 2014 @ 09:27:15
Wow busy too eh?! Hope you’re okay!
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benzeknees
Aug 27, 2014 @ 09:38:10
Yes, am OK!
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Gibber
Aug 27, 2014 @ 10:18:27
Okay good!
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The Laughing Housewife
Aug 28, 2014 @ 14:23:45
These are so funny!
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benzeknees
Aug 28, 2014 @ 17:03:52
Thank Tilly Bud – I am so glad to have you stop by! You sound really busy from the posts you have been doing! Reward yourself with a Malteser!
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The Laughing Housewife
Aug 29, 2014 @ 00:42:43
I’m on it!
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