A number of recent factors have led me to think long & hard about end of life decisions & procedures.
One of these factors was the recent death of my hubby’s godmother & second mother on Nov. 1. She was 90 years old, had dislocated her shoulder & broken 3 ribs without falling & was in a great deal of pain. The broken ribs caused internal bleeding & because she was on a blood thinner, she nearly bled out. She emphatically stated she did not want any life saving measures, she wanted to die. Even though she was counselled she may suffer a heart attack or stroke if she stopped taking her blood thinners, she chose to stop taking them. She was offered blood transfusions at least twice & refused each time despite her hemoglobin being so low she was having difficulty breathing. The only thing she asked was not to have pain. The hospital kept her on a scheduled pain killer routine as part of what they called “comfort care.” There were times when she suffered before she was due another pain killer. She had a heart attack & slipped into a light coma a couple days before she died. From the time the hospital advised her daughters to gather the family because death was imminent to her actual passing was a little over 2 weeks. Although everyone was exhausted (including the patient), she was attended by a family member at all times.
Approximately 11 months ago I was diagnosed with COPD which is a progressive, terminal lung disease. However well I feel right now is the best I will ever feel again during my lifetime. My lungs will continue to deteriorate for as long as I live. No one can give me a time line for my illness because every person is different. If I can keep myself reasonably healthy by not getting any colds, flu or pneumonia I may be one of the lucky ones who lives for years with this disease. If I do not stay healthy, any illness could dramatically shorten my life. Being breathless or short of breath & struggling to cough up mucous is a horrible feeling & I live with this to some extent every day. Basic chores like having a shower, doing a couple loads of laundry or trying to dry mop the floor can be so exhausting I have to spend a lot of time resting. A lot of people with this disease suffer from depression & anxiety disorders – I had them before I got sick. When I think of what my future may bring – oxygen tanks, hospitalizations, respirators & more, I am not comforted by the prospect of what I may have to face before death takes me. I am not encouraged by what hubby’s godmother just went through. I had hoped there would be some system in place whereby you could get extra painkillers so you could just quietly pass on in your sleep.
Many of you probably recall reading about a fellow blogger named Bill Hamilton who became a mentor & friend to me. He had COPD & wrote a blog about it called Dealing with COPD. For the last few months of his life Bill was in Hospice Care in his own home in Florida & like every other aspect of his life with COPD he wrote extensively about his experiences. In my opinion he was quite pleased with their care. Bill died at the beginning of September & was blogging until the day before he died.
Brittany Maynard, a 29 year old young woman with terminal brain cancer took steps to ensure she would be able to choose her own time of death & how much suffering she would endure. It involved her moving from California to Oregon where it is legal for a doctor to prescribe medication to assist a dying person to commit suicide. Please read more about Brittany here: http://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/world/brittany-maynard-29-year-old-right-to-die-advocate-ends-her-life/ar-BBcETNA
I admire Brittany for taking the steps she needed in order to live her life the way she wanted. Obviously I need to do more research about what is available here in Alberta, Canada in the way of “end of life” care. I would hope there is some type of hospice care here like what Bill experienced or maybe I need to consider a move to Oregon or Washington. I’ll let you know what I find out.
Chatter Master
Nov 03, 2014 @ 03:23:21
I hope you find your answers. Bill was very proactive in preparing for his disease to worsen, and for the ‘end of retirement’. I hope you find what works best for you.
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 09:54:11
I agree Chatter Master, I need to get much more proactive about my “retirement” as Bill called it. This need was highlighted very much by the events of the last couple of weeks.
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Chatter Master
Nov 03, 2014 @ 15:09:27
He was very proactive and would want to encourage you to do what you need to do, for yourself, and your loved ones. I wish you well BenzeKnees.
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Beth Ann
Nov 03, 2014 @ 05:47:06
I think Brittany’s story struck a chord with many people and has them thinking about how they wish their end of life would be. It is certainly a difficult thing to talk about but everyone needs to have some peace in how the end happens, don’t you think? I wish we could all just go in our sleep without suffering but that is not up to me to choose, right. It makes me think a lot. Thanks for a lovely post.
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 09:56:31
Thank you for your lovely comment Beth Ann. This may be a difficult subject for some people to address, but I’m nothing if not brash. I just felt I needed to say something to highlight the great range of end of life experiences.
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Scott
Nov 03, 2014 @ 08:07:40
It breaks my heart that this is something you feel you need to look into, but I certainly understand. I saw what cancer did to my aunt before it took her, and if she would have at any point said that she wanted an assisted suicide I would have supported her fully.
I hope you find the answers you’re looking for and I hope you find peace.
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 09:58:22
Thanks TD! I sometimes fool myself into thinking these decisions are a long way off, but I realize now this is something I need to be prepared for sooner rather than later if I want to have my say in how I go.
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Scott
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:03:24
I definitely will support any decision you make, as painful as it may turn out.
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NotAPunkRocker
Nov 03, 2014 @ 08:17:27
Lots to think about here. I have my own health issues, but certainly nothing along the lines of COPD. But, I also only have my son, so I want to be extra sure that I have everything set up for him to help coordinate without being too much of a burden given the situation, whether it is hospice, nursing home, or cremation.
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:02:56
I agree with you NAPR & this is partly why I wrote this post. I saw the prolonged, heart wrenching & exhausting struggle members of my family went through over the last couple of weeks in dealing with an end of life situation. I have only 1 biological daughter & I hate to think she might have to go through something similar although I’m sure at least some of her stepsisters would support her.
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Ron
Nov 03, 2014 @ 08:26:37
Benze, it’s so ironic that you posted about Brittney today because I’ve been following her story for about month and be may posting about it on my blog either this week or next.
This topic is such a difficult one that seems to bring up a lot of strong opinions in people, as I’m sure you’ve read on the Internet. And I don’t think anyone can really judge her for making this choice because they are not in her shoes; therefore they cannot EVER be 100% sure of what they would do.
Like you, I admire her for taking the steps she needed to live her life the way she wanted.
Thank you for sharing this post, my friend.
((((( You ))))))
X
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:04:50
I love your hugs Ron! I am just brash enough to think this is a topic that needs to be talked about so people prepare themselves for whatever they may have to face in an end of life situation.
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pouringmyartout
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:20:13
We have this barbaric, outmoded idea about end of life… like our doctors have to fight for every moment of it is a loss. Anybody who worked in the home health care field like I did, or watched friends or family members die slowly, know too much about our limited options. Good post.
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benzeknees
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:25:39
Thanks Art! I think the post is timely & hope others will start to think more about what they hope for in their experience.
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pouringmyartout
Nov 03, 2014 @ 10:28:12
Still an uphill battle against entrenched attitudes.
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Mark Petruska
Nov 13, 2014 @ 08:17:28
I admire Brittany, too. Her story hit home because it practically occurred in my backyard. I’m hoping you’re one of the lucky ones who lives many, many years.
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benzeknees
Nov 14, 2014 @ 03:01:49
I’d just like to know I have the choice when I have had enough.
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GrahamInHats
Nov 14, 2014 @ 16:23:42
We own our lives and we own our deaths and no one may claim otherwise. Choosing our own end is the prerogative of warrior chiefs.
Good luck to you my friend. 🙂
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