Home

2014 in review

12 Comments

Another year has come & gone in the world of blogging.  This is what I was up to during 2014, what were you doing?

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 8,300 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 3 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Happy New Year 2015!

21 Comments

Ssssssshhhhhhh! It would appear some of you partied too hard last night . . .

New Year Post Hungover Polar BearNew Year Post Hungover OwlNew Year Post Hungover MeercatNew Year Post Hungover LynxNew Year Post Hungover Grumpy CatNew Year Post Hungover GiraffeNew Year Post Hungover ElephantNew Year Post Hungover DogNew Year Post Hungover CatNew Year Post Hungover Polar Bear BucketNew Year Post Hungover Cappuchin MonkeyNew Year Post Hungover Black BearNew Year Hungover Grizzly

Tickle Me Tuesday – Christmas 14 Edition

22 Comments

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Ten worst gifts to buy a woman

1. Never give a woman any kind of household appliance or something that is going to make “housework” easier. For instance, a blender, a toaster, a new vacuum, one of those mops they advertise on tv that does everything but suck the life out of you, anything in a informercial. One allowed choice is a new washing machine with a turbo spin cycle. (Makes laundry day go by pretty fast when you can at least sit on it during spin-dry and end up smiling the rest of the day.)

2. Any bulk cleaning supplies, “honey, I got you that large box of Tide you have been wanting.” “This Windex should last you a while.” “I got a good deal on the industrial strength toilet bowl cleaner.” All I can say is, be prepared to run. I have faith that if you would have at least stopped and thought about what would be a much more intimate gift, you would have had the sense to spring for the $5 Chia Pet you were eyeing in Kmart.

3. Any sharp objects made by Ronco which slices or dices, or a set of ginsu knives. These may one day be used as a weapon against you when you come home with lipstick on your collar after a “night out with the boys.”

4. Do not buy gifts for yourself and pretend they are for her. “Honey, I’m sure you’ll get a lot of use out of the new drill I bought you.” By then she will have put it to good use by drilling a quarter inch hole into the side of your skull for even thinking she would accept such a lame gift. After a gift like this, you probably won’t be around for NEXT Christmas.

5. Any lingerie made of flannel, such as a pair of feet pajamas with a trap door in back. A Little Mermaid or Barney cartoon character nightgown. It gives her the idea that you do not consider her the beautiful woman that she is. Take out that wallet and buy her something sexy from Victoria Secret (just like you did for your mistress or other girlfriend).

6. No name perfume which costs you $1.99, such as Eu de Toilet, which actually smells like the bathroom, moldy fruit, or your dirty socks. If you are going to buy her perfume, spring for the brand names.

7. Any type of cubic zirconia jewelry you see on the Home Shopping Network. It will be quite embarrassing when she is showing off that fabulous diamond to her friends and tries to cut glass with it. (We actually test them you know.) Also, now would not be a good time to buy her that set of diamond nipple clamps you always wanted to, you know how we like to show off our jewelry and it could get embarrassing at the New Year’s party when she decides to show them off to your buddies.

8. Please do not buy her clothes because you think for one minute you have good taste in woman’s clothing. Well, perhaps you might if you are a transvestite, but all in all, believe me, she’ll smile and say its beautiful while choking back tears and mumbling under her breath, “were the hell would I ever wear this outfit without being arrested for bad taste?” An additional hint, plaids do not go with stripes (even though you think your golfing outfit looks just fine). Its a known fact to the rest of the world that that is a taboo. In the Northeast, thats like wearing white after Labor Day.

9. Do not give her a gift certificate to Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Most men would know better, especially the ones who have learned the correct response to “do these pants make me look fat.” If you are one of the poor souls who still doesn’t get it and purchased a gift like this, be prepared for the silent treatment for a month. (Although that may be something you would actually look forward to.) A better alternative would be hiring a Chippendale dancer as a personal trainer to get her motivated into getting fit.

10. Last but not least, never buy a woman anti-wrinkle cream, or a book on “How not to be Nasty Sunday through Saturday.” These are not considered gifts, they are considered reasons for seriously injuring the person who bought it and just may stand up in court of law.

Courtesy of: http://www.ahajokes.com/nobuy.html

credit:  Online Stock Photos

credit: Online Stock Photos

I hope all my blogging buddies have the best Christmas ever!  I will be spending tonight in a sleep lab as they try to figure out if I breathe in my sleep, hahahahahahaha!

Tickle Me Tuesday – 121614

20 Comments

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

I “toyed” with the idea of making this my Christmas Tickle Me post because next week will be so close to Christmas, but decided to “present” this post instead! :)

One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door.  She was a sorry sight – starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny with her hair all matted down.  We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier & took her to the vet.  When they asked for her name we didn’t know what to call her so we named her “Pussycat.”   The vet decided to keep her for a day or so.  He said he would let us know when we could come get her. 

My husband (the complainer) said, “OK, but don’t forget to wash her, she stinks!”
 
He made sure to remind the vet that it was his WIFE (me) who wanted the dirty cat, not him.  See, my husband & my vet don’t see eye to eye.  The vet calls my husband “El Cheap-O” & my husband calls the vet “El Charge-O.”  They love to hate each other & constantly snipe at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
 
 
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.  My vet must have seen my husband come in.  The GP’s waiting room & office was full of people waiting to see the doctor when a side door opened & the vet leaned in.

He looked straight at my husband & in a loud voice he said, “Your wife’s pussy doesn’t stink anymore.  We washed & shaved it & now she smells like a rose!  Oh & by the way, she’s pregnant!  God only knows who the father is!”
 
Then he closed the door.  The silence was deafening.  Game, set & match to the vet. 
Welcome December

Benze on Books – Dark Prayer

11 Comments

Courtesy Online Stock Photos

Courtesy Online Stock Photos

I know, I know – it’s been a really long time but some unfortunate personal life changes have kept me away from here for too long.

I just finished reading Dark Prayer by Natasha Mostert last night.  If you recall, I have read 3 of her books previously & loved each one (https://benzeknees.wordpress.com/2014/04/14/benze-on-books-april-1414/ and https://benzeknees.wordpress.com/2014/04/07/benze-on-books-april-714/).  This book was definitely another loved quick read.

Synopsis:  Eloise Blake is on the run from a life she can no longer remember. And from a killer who will stop at nothing, to protect a secret as old as time.

While this book was only 253 pages in my e-reader, it was packed with twists & turns with 2 strong themes woven so delicately throughout the book you almost don’t realize they’ve been there all along.  Jack is not your usual hero & Eloise is not your usual heroine, they have a lot to overcome as a number of attempts are made on Eloise’s life.  Natasha Mostert has a knack for taking unusual people & putting them in tricky situations so you can see how they react.

I would definitely give this book a 4 out of 5!

 

The Secret Keepers

4 Comments

benzeknees:

This deserves to be seen by as many people as possible . . .

Originally posted on Mended Musings:

secrets

I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to ask you to share this post. Reblog it, share it on Facebook, tweet it. Someone out there needs to hear this message today. Even if you think you don’t know anyone who has been abused. Even if you don’t read the entire post.

About a month ago I was asked by Dawn at WTF words, thoughts, feelings to contribute an essay for an anthology that she and Joyelle are creating for parents who are survivors of childhood sexual and physical abuse (learn more at https://www.facebook.com/TriggerPointsAnthology).

I submitted my essay but I also want to shine a bigger spotlight on this project because I fear that they may not get many submissions. Not because it’s not a worthy cause or because there aren’t enough people out there to contribute but because survivors of abuse are secret…

View original 1,196 more words

Tickle Me Tuesday – 112514

27 Comments

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

Courtesy Microsoft Clip Arts

I’d like to wish all my friends in the US a Happy Thanksgiving!

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.” “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

Q: Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes – a building can’t jump at all.

Thanksgiving dinner is a unique experience. It’s like an orgy that’s rated G.

It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.
“Please let me in,” says the man desperately. “I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don’t come home with one.”
“Okay,” says the butcher. “Let me see what I have left.” He goes into the freezer and discovers that there’s only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.
“That’s one is too skinny. What else you got?” says the man.
The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man.
“Oh, no,” says the man, “That one doesn’t look any better. You better give me both of them!”

Read more at http://www.theholidayspot.com/thanksgiving/thanksgiving_jokes.htm#oEkic1LABx0SJE

******************************

For my friends in NW New York state:Forget Something

Older Entries Newer Entries

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,070 other followers

%d bloggers like this: