While I was in the hospital having my daughter in Winnipeg, I got new neighbors. The woman (D) was younger than me & ran a daycare in her home. When I went back to work D provided daycare for my daughter. It was great for me because my daughter liked to sleep in till 9 a.m. & I had to be at work for 8 a.m., so I could just go into her room, wrap her in a blanket & take her next door, where D would put her in a crib until she woke up naturally.
D was very kind to me. I was a single parent for a couple years & sometimes I would come home very tired – she would invite me in & put a hot meal in front of me while my daughter had a bath with her 2 children. We got to be good friends. She cared for my daughter when I developed a kidney stone & had to spend 3 days in the hospital on an emergency basis. We were always there for each other.
One of the things I always admired about D was her ability to look after children & keep her home really clean. You would find toys scattered about in designated play spaces, but the rest of the house was always so clean. As soon as lunch was over, the dishes were done immediately. The washer was constantly running, washing clothes & baby blankets. It seemed like D never stopped.
I found out D’s mother had died when she was in her late 20’s from cancer, leaving D & her siblings with her father. Being the oldest, D helped her father raise her younger siblings. At 22, D suffered her own scare with cancer when she developed ovarian cancer. She had a total hysterectomy. A couple years later she developed cancer in her left breast. She had a mastectomy just weeks before I first met her. I would never have known because she always portrayed this strong image.
D was afraid she would die of cancer. After her mother’s death, she remembered her aunts coming over to help D’s father clean out her mother’s property. D remembered her aunts remarking about how dirty her mother’s house was (even though she’d been in the hospital for the last month of her life). D never wanted anyone to say the same thing about her house if she should die & so she worked like a demon to keep her house spotless every day.
Is there something you’re afraid to have found if you passed away? Have you got a secret stash or a drawer you wouldn’t want found? This thought was prompted when our neighbor came over today to ask a favor since his father passed away just days after my hubby went & helped lift him from a fall.
The Laughing Housewife
May 09, 2013 @ 02:56:44
What a kind woman. Are you still in touch?
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:05:59
She ended up leaving her husband & moving away. We kept up for a little while, but I got married & things got in the way, so we ended up losing touch.
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The Laughing Housewife
May 09, 2013 @ 13:56:49
That’s a shame, but at least other people will benefit from knowing her 🙂
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Life With The Top Down
May 09, 2013 @ 03:52:39
How fortunate to know such a wonderful person. Let’s just say I can relate to her fear .. we’ll leave it at that…hehehe
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:06:46
Am I missing something? Some life-threatening illness you haven’t shared? Or just a clean freak?
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Life With The Top Down
May 09, 2013 @ 15:44:16
No, just the fear of strangers coming in after I’m gone and judging. I keep things in order like her.
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photosfromtheloonybin
May 09, 2013 @ 04:42:54
Wow, I’ve never really thought about it, but everyone has a secret or two don’t they? You’ve made me look around my house quite differently now. On the other hand, I’ll be dead, so who the heck cares what they say about me LOL!!
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:07:51
Some people care a lot it seems. I have a couple things I wouldn’t want my children to see, so I’ll have to make sure to ask hubby to look after this drawer on his own before they get there.
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writerwannabe763
May 09, 2013 @ 05:32:21
Actually a few years back I thought of that…. There were a couple of letters from my husband I had kept but thought if something were to happen to us, I wouldn’t have really wanted others to read….Diane
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:08:24
Did you take care of the letters yourself?
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writerwannabe763
May 09, 2013 @ 12:17:40
I certainly did…they went into never never land….garbage 101 (after being torn up)….Diane
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joehoover
May 09, 2013 @ 08:31:55
You’d think how people thought of your home when you have more pressing things on your mind. In a way it’s something to take your mind off it I guess. The only think I would worry about it how would the blogging world know, even if it is just a few people who read me. I’d have to put my password in my will for someone to let people know what happened. They’d just have to watch how they tag the post!
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:12:07
Now I know your secret Joe – you don’t always read my posts! https://benzeknees.wordpress.com/2013/03/27/rip-benzeknees/
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joehoover
May 10, 2013 @ 05:53:43
I still have your A-Z to read, I’m surprised I missed others though. This year has been busy so my blogging duties have suffered.
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Margarita
May 09, 2013 @ 08:41:27
How wonderful to have such a friend! xoM
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 11:09:26
She was a good friend.
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El Guapo
May 09, 2013 @ 12:43:16
That sounds like a great friend to have!
Now that you mention it, I think I should start leaving clues to things that would be hilariously awkward for the finders after I die…
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 23:26:37
Sounds like a plan! What kind of secrets are YOU hiding Guaps?
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El Guapo
May 10, 2013 @ 06:41:19
Well, if I told you, they wouldn’t be secrets anymore, would they? 😉
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pouringmyartout
May 09, 2013 @ 12:48:38
What do you mean ‘if I should die’? Do you plan on living forever. I have almost died lots of times. I do posts about it.
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 23:28:24
And I have read about your near death experiences! I was using part of a title from a prayer – “If I should die before I wake.” Also, I know I’m going to die, but now I’m going to think about what I might want to take care of before I die where before I didn’t think about it.
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pouringmyartout
May 10, 2013 @ 09:13:31
It pays to be prepared.
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John Erickson
May 09, 2013 @ 13:56:53
Naw, I pretty much carry all my baggage inside my head. Some folk might get bent out of shape from some of the Nazi-marked stuff I had to wear when re-enacting, but anybody who really knows me, knows I live by Jake Elwood’s motto: “I hate Illinois Nazis”. (Or any other state’s, for that matter. 😉 )
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 23:29:53
Well at least you don’t have to worry about your secrets being exposed that way! Thanks for staying in touch, it’s so nice to hear from you again.
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behindthemaskofabuse
May 09, 2013 @ 21:54:53
well there’s food for thought..
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benzeknees
May 09, 2013 @ 23:30:25
My point exactly!
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behindthemaskofabuse
May 10, 2013 @ 15:13:51
ha!
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Mark Petruska
May 10, 2013 @ 11:07:18
Ha! It’s funny you should mention that. I’ve written about how I’m paranoid to leave the house with dirty dishes in the sink because, if I should die on my way home, whoever came over to go through my belongings would see the dishes piled up and think I was a slob. That’s something I just can’t have!
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benzeknees
May 10, 2013 @ 23:53:37
Isn’t it amazing where our minds go?
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Archon's Den
May 11, 2013 @ 07:15:55
I searched my mother’s bedroom after she was moved to a care facility, and found seven long-obsolete two-dollar bills. After the wife and I go, the son says he’s going to rent one of those big steel dumpsters, and work at tossing out all the stuff we’ve hoarded. 😕
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benzeknees
May 11, 2013 @ 17:20:37
It’s kind of sad when we think about how little our stuff means to our kids.
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Elyse
May 11, 2013 @ 11:08:48
What a good friend — and what awful aunts she had. Imagine saying that when you hadn’t come over to help your dying sister clean.
I’ve been sick and learned that healing is more important than cleaning. I am not a slob, but I’m not a neatnick either. People get what they get when they come to my house. If they are my friend they accept that there will be some clutter and some dog hair. If I’m sick, they accept that the mess will be greater. If they can’t deal with that, they really aren’t worth dealing with.
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benzeknees
May 11, 2013 @ 17:22:24
I remember after my mother had her hysterectomy, my sister & I took turns going to her house every week & vacuuming because she could not do it. We knew it would bother her it was not done so she didn’t even have to ask we just volunteered.
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fransiweinstein
May 13, 2013 @ 09:32:57
hmmmm … guess I should have a look around. Did your mother ever tell you to always make sure your underwear matched just in case you were in an accident and ended up in the hospital? Same sort of thing …. 🙂
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benzeknees
May 13, 2013 @ 16:32:42
Not really, but she did tell me to make sure I had on clean underwear! Thanks for stopping by!
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fransiweinstein
May 13, 2013 @ 17:09:45
🙂
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omawarisan
May 14, 2013 @ 13:34:26
I don’t have anything in my place to hide, but I do have an issue. I know a number of people in our medical examiner/coroner’s office. Several people have instructions that if it looks inevitable for me they are to take me to an adjoining county where my friends won’t be the ones examining me.
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benzeknees
May 14, 2013 @ 15:52:03
I had the same problem when I lived in NW Ont. I was a volunteer fire fighter, also well known to ambulance people & I had thoughts they might be ones who would have to rescue me or cart me away if I died. Gives you pause.
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Edward Hotspur
May 14, 2013 @ 17:51:02
I was thinking of leaving all my passwords in my will. But I don’t have anything embarrassing hidden around the house somewhere.
She was a great friend. You should look for her.
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benzeknees
May 14, 2013 @ 18:26:20
She died from cancer I think.
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Edward Hotspur
May 14, 2013 @ 18:40:11
I’m so sorry. She was a beautiful person.
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